Who have I become?
Growing up, I was always the Tomboy, the athletic one, the outdoorsy adventurous one. The one that would never pass up a challenge and would never say no to trying something new. Life was all about having fun and looking to conquer that next obstacle.
The past couple of weeks, my husband and I started thinking about our summer vacation and what we wanted to do this year. We have not taken a “real” vacation since our twin boys were born over 7 years ago. Yes, we travel, we visit family, we go to beaches, and new cities, but not the type of vacations I did pre-kids. When I mentioned to Hubby that I wanted to go on a River Rafting trip out west, he was hesitant and worried about ME. That I wouldn’t like it, that I would complain, that it would be too rustic for me! First I laughed, then I got a bit defensive and said that he doesn’t know me at all ! I said that I am still all of those things I listed above. He replied with, “well, in the 10+ years that I have known you, I haven’t seen that side of you”. Really?!
I haven’t been able to get that comment out of my head for days on end now. And, trying to figure out how my husband doesn’t know or recognize the parts of me that I love and I identify with. First I was mad at him. But, the reality is that I have lost that part of me as busy schedules, family,/kids work has all taken over my life. And, I don’t want it to be that way anymore!
I went through old pictures today to find myself and remind me of the old me. The person I still identify with, but the person my husband doesn’t see in me. I have jumped out of planes, bungy cord jumped, ran marathons, scuba dived in Australia, cliff jumped in Corfu, White water rafted down the Zamezi river in Zimbabwe, volunteered in children’s homes and hospitals in Russia, zip lined in Costa Rica, and so much more!
Yes, as I have gotten older, I have changed in certain ways. I no longer want to spend hours in the gym trying to have that perfect beach body, but instead want to spend that time with my kids. I no longer want to spend time with negative people, people full of drama, but instead surround myself with people who inspire me and lift me up. I am no longer that party girl drinking many nights a week. I now prefer my down time and good healthy food. And, fancy hotels, massages, and a good book.
But, at the same time, I do really miss that adventurous side of me. Our boys are now 7 years old and old enough to go exploring with us and to do those more adventurous things. It’s time for me to reconnect with that person who I love and is so part of my total being. It’s time for my husband and kids to see all of me. So, yes, I booked that white water river rafting trip where we will be spending several days and nights on the river, hiking, swimming, and sleeping under the stars. There will be no cell service, no comfy beds, no gourmet meals, and no showers or toilets. And, I can’t wait!
What part of you do you want to reconnect with?